I have gone to three salsa contests/showcases in six months and I admire the

time and effort that the dance teams put into their performances.   I appreciate

the originality of outfits and some moves, but unfortunately this same

originality does not extend to the selection of performance music.  Why is this?

(Don't worry, I'm not targeting you, it is just in general).

Is it because there are few salsa/mambo CDs in the record stores in town? Is it

that the DJ's play the same stuff over and over again and don't like to

"educate" the dancing public (or maybe the DJ's only emulate what is played on

the radio) or do DJ's only respond to "requests" which are limited in scope? Is

it because dancers don't do their research or don't have the financial or

educational music resources to find out what is hot music to dance to besides

what they listen to in clubs? The selection of an appropriate song is key to

the entire routine, but it gets almost annoying that more variety isn't heard.

There is such a wealth of great mambo and salsa tunes from the 50s all the way

up to the 90s, from the Bronx's Fania All-Stars and Tito Puente, to Puerto Rican

(Gran Combo) and Colombian favorites (Sonora Carruseles, Grupo Gale).  But it

seems that only a handful of songs dominate these performances, and I know that

there is more music to show off your moves than Ran Kan Kan, Oyes lo que te

Conviene, Han Cogido la Cosa, and Son de los Cueros.  All of these songs are

GREAT, make no mistake -- but when more than two couples perform to the same

song in one venue or night, I am amazed that there is so little else to offer.

Yes, I know people can't call each other up and say "Uh, so what are you dancing

to? 'Cause I don't wanna copy you..." That's not my point. My point is that the

odds of even 10 groups dancing to the same song or portions of the same music

shouldn't be taking place if you have as much of an interest in music as in

dancing. Please tell me that this is my imagination and that I have only been

going on the wrong nights.  Talk to me, I'm listening -- just no cursing,

alright?

By the way, in order to avoid my spamming your mailbox with my ramblings, is

there a salsa message board in town that issues such as these can be debated in

a non-censored manner?  Just curious.... if not, it would be a good idea to have

a tekkie set one up instead of the present Salsa Houston Yahoo Group site that

allows only the moderator to post things, don't you think?

un abrazo,

Dancing is one of those activities that is best done by two people—usually two people who know each other fairly well and both like to dance. However in this not so perfect world there are many couples--married or dating-- that do not meet this criteria. Finding an activity that both partners like to do, is tricky, at best. (For example, my husband and I take self defense classes together.) If you are lucky to have found that person who likes to do many of the same thing you do—consider yourself blessed.

Many spouses (in most cases the husband) do not care for dancing. This is not an uncommon problem among couples –married or not. What does the dance lover do in such a situation? I will be taking this from the perspective of the wife of a husband who does not like to dance, however the information I share with you could also be applied to all types of couples. I will share with you my experience and observations as well as a few thoughts from others I have talked to. Please realize there are no easy answers, but also realize that you are not alone. Instead take this opportunity to have some really good dialogue with your "significant other" (S.O.) so that hopefully you can find a happy medium.

Excuses:

"I hate to dance."
"I will look silly."
"It’s for wimps. "
"My ankles are broken."
"Some one will mistake me for an epileptic!"

"Why?" You ask. All you get at this point is a blank stare and then a response such as "I just don’t like dancing!" Eh, Typical.

At this point you try to appeal to their intellect.

Rationale:

"You’re athletic. This requires footwork. Look at the numerous football players who have taken dance prior to becoming pros?"
"Women love men who can dance."
"You just need a few lessons and you will be fine."
"No your ankles are not broken—especially since you just returned from playing (insert a sport here) in which you were jumping around."
"There are many different forms of dancing. You might just invent one (epileptic chicken dance) or start a new craze!"

At this point they are not buying into it so you bring out reinforcement.

"If you loved me you’d dance with me." Upon which they respond. "If YOU loved me you wouldn’t make me do this." Fair enough.

"Think of it like a contact sport."

"Think of it like our self defense class. You just dip the person gently instead of throwing the person down to the floor."

Still no response: only mild irritation from the non-dancer. So with one last ditch effort you respond by saying:

"Well you know what dancing is, don’t you?" At which they look at you with some curiosity and some slight interest, wondering where you are going with all this and say,

"Dancing is the vertical expression of the horizontal desire!!"

The non-dancer thinks about it for a few seconds and retreats back to their initial posture and mentality.

Frustrated at this point and not sure if you should feel insulted or not, you walk away in disgust and say: " Fine! I will find a friend who will dance with me if you won’t."

The non-dancer thinks about it for a minute trying to decide if it’s a trick question or if you are serious. Worried that you really mean this, the non-dancer then says "Well, who would it be?"

Ah, now it gets interesting!

Points to consider:

For one thing this may not be the best time to discuss such a heated issue. Wait until things are calm. In the interest of keeping your relationship intact there are many things to consider.

Dancers keep this in mind:

Your partner may be frustrated that he/she can not offer you the chance to dance. They want to be supportive. However they do not like being unable to do things, or worse yet, they do not want to look foolish (we all know this is irrational but we love them anyway).

They may not come right out and say this, but at some point they may be concerned that you will "leave" them for your dance partner if they gave you an opportunity to go dance. (Maybe they watch too many movies.)

They feel they have 2 left feet and can’t do the complex moves. Yeah right! You’ve seen them multitask a number of activities at once. For example, they can prepare dinner while simultaneously carrying a screaming child and talking on the phone. They can program the VCR while reciting obscure sports facts. They can play complex computer games which require hand-finger contortions that would give a chiropractor conniptions – but they can’t move their feet around.

Significant others keep this in mind:

Most people when they go dancing are looking for fun, companionship and a chance to practice their new dance steps they learned in dance class.

Most people are not looking for a date. Nor is asking someone to dance with them on the dance floor considered a marriage proposal.

Most dance studios/clubs have a mix of people who come with or without a partner. Many places encourage practicing with other people just to learn to adapt to different styles.

There are many forms of dance. Salsa is just one. Consider researching the other types of dances. You might find one that you like based on the cultural background or the type of music (such as the Texas two-step, ballroom dancing or swing).

Don’t worry about being self-conscious. All great dancers were once beginners.

Choosing and Dancing with a Friend:

In my case, my spouse was OK with me dancing with another male friend. Here are some main points we discussed:

Which Friend? One friend I asked had an "alternative lifestyle". My husband and I both figured he would be safe. However, he politely turned me down stating he did not dance. Drat! His advice was to see if I had another male friend who might dance and then that might get my husband to reconsider. We agreed instead that I would ask a friend my spouse was comfortable with. This friend said yes.

There has to be trust. My husband was willing to let me dance with someone else, because I liked to dance. How would I feel if the tables were turned, and he was practicing self-defense with a female friend? We all know how sensual salsa dancing can be and my dance partner was sensitive to this. I had assured him that my spouse was OK with all this. My dance partner and I are very respectful of each other. But when we started to have some difficulty with a few fast moves, the only way to correct the problem, according to the instructors, was to dance a little closer to each other. Once we realized this, the dancing became easier without creating any comfort or trust issues.

I had invited my spouse to come to dance classes and outings to watch the group, hoping he might gain some interest, obtain a finer appreciation, feel less intimidated and just maybe feel a little more comfortable with trying a few steps.

My friend understood our situation. I stated quite simply that my husband does not wish to take the dance lessons with me right now and is comfortable with him as my dance partner. Never berate your spouse.

Since my husband and I have good communication skills, I always told him what we did at practice. All three of us went out to eat and dance at the restaurant/club hosting a party. My dance partner was also able to socialize with my husband and include him in conversations so that everyone was made comfortable. It helps if the dance partner is friends with your S.O.

Advice for the friend:

If you decide you would like to dance with someone who is married (or otherwise involved), it is best to make sure you ask the S.O. This shows respect for the S.O. as well as for the dance partner. It saves a lot of hurt feelings, broken noses and keeps friendships in place. This includes taking the dance lessons as well as dancing at a club.

Present situation:

At a recent wedding that my husband and I went to, I was able to get my husband to come out on the dance floor for a few songs. I took the opportunity to show him a few easy moves of which he tried and did pretty well. We are not making leaps and bounds with the dancing but at least it is a start. He does not expect me to become a black belt in self-defense and I do not expect him to become a dance instructor, but at least for now we have found a happy medium.

Now I realize this does not occur in all situations. My spouse can communicate in a calm, open-minded manner. Some spouses are not as flexible and in the interest of your relationship there has to be some give and take. If the person is completely inflexible, this may be a sign of more serious problems, and you may want to rethink your relationship (if you aren’t married) or look into counseling (if you are married). Just remember that the choice that you make for yourself is the right one. Some people will decide it’s just not worth the fights, so they will give up the dancing. Some feel its something they enjoy too much to give up, and their spouse will just have to understand (or join in on).